"I am so busy." I think this and say this a lot. I run and do and cram too much into my days, just about everyday. And I have this NEED to tidy and put things in order every, single day pretty much all day long. Confession: I can't stand for toys to be out! It makes me nervous to have shoes, and back packs and lunch boxes strewn about... all of those things have a special place, and if they aren't in that special place, Mommy isn't going to like it.
You must know, however, that my house is not immaculate, pretty much ever, but there are definitely certain jobs, that if not done, will nag me and cause me distress until they can be marked of the list. So, that being said, I run around most of the day while the big boys are at school trying to wash, and tidy and straighten and put away everything that's out of place. Just about the time the big boys get home from school I complete these mundane tasks just to have to do them over again because, well, the big boys are now home from school.
The reason I rant is to tell you what I'm learning. I'm learning that I'm pretty darn selfish. I spend too much time doing things that are important to me and neglect my sweet little children that are at home, under my wings. This personal flaw of mine, just like the dishes, has been nagging me a lot lately. Sometimes when I hear that still, small, voice in my heart remind me of what I really should be doing, I have the nerve to ignore it and push through the laundry or the dishes... "Just one more job, and then I'll do a puzzle with him."
Why is this? Why do I not soak up every second I can with them? After all, I am completely aware that kindergarten is just a few months off for Oakley and McKay will be 2 in August! My goodness, Jacob is almost TEN YEARS OLD, and my Garen will be baptized next April!! Time is speeding past me, and I know this is happening, yet I am distracted by the stupid dishes?? Ugh!
I'm trying to do better. I'm trying to do better for my children who deserve so much more from their mommy. And because if I don't, I will someday find myself regretting every moment I let pass. Whether you have this problem I have, or you are wonderful about spending quality time with your children, I know you still get the same sinking feeling in your gut that I do, when you think about the day that your children are gone. It's a terrible feeling. Are your eyes welling up with tears? Mine sure are. I can't imagine the guilt I will feel, some time in the future, if I choose the dishes, over these amazing little people that God has so abundantly blessed me with.
We have been doing some home improvement projects and planting a garden for the first time EVER (yea us!) so there was a lot of "catch up" to do this Saturday. We did lots of laundry. The boys folded a mountain of it and cleaned their room. When we were finally finished with our chores, we went to a nearby park and took a walk on the greenway. It was a perfect afternoon to be outside. We even found a little beach where the boys played and skipped stones. You would have thought that I had taken them to an amusement park. They LOVED every second of it and were so excited to point out tadpoles, caterpillars, mosquitoes ☺, and fun shaped rocks. Jacob kept saying, "Mom, this is so fun. I'm so glad you brought us here." I also heard Oakley say, "This is turning out to be a really fun day." Wow. Think if I had chosen to do more dishes instead of taking my kids to skip stones.
One of my favorite wedding gifts is a cross stitched wall hanging that says, "The greatest work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home." I've always appreciated this most thoughtful gift. Through the last almost 12 years, I have read and re-read this. I have always been grateful for the message and for the knowledge I have of it's truth. Now, do you want to know something ironic? It hangs on the wall, over my kitchen sink.... where I do the stupid dishes.
Talk about a sobering realization. I can't imagine that the "work" Harold B. Lee was referring to was the dishes or anything like unto them. I know what he was talking about.
He was talking about Team Sorenson.
I always thought blogging was something meant for over achievers (something that I try really hard NOT to be) and horn tooters... (Sorry fellow bloggers, but I changed the errors of my way, right?) I figured if someone wanted to know what me and mine were doing, they'd be close enough to me for me to tell them personally instead of "publishing", "twittering", or "facebooking" it. But, I like to write and don't do enough of it. I also spend a lot of time at the computer. So, I thought I'd marry the two and call it some form of a journal. I have a fair amount of Mommy guilt too for not recording enough about my little people's rapidly passing younger years... so here goes!