Oh, The Irony.

In my husband's closet, because mine's too full, there is a white garment bag. It often spills out of the closet and keeps the door from shutting snugly. It's my wedding dress. I, just like any other girl loved wearing it and kept it thinking that my own daughter might, by some slim chance, want to wear it for her special day or even just play in the darn thing. But, you all know I don't have a daughter... that's a mere fact, no contempt implied.

I also have held on to the dress in the hopes that someday I might be able shed the 'baby weight' and wear it myself one more time for kicks and giggles. Fortunate for me, after lots of hard work, I am now the same size I was then. Since accomplishing this, I had thought intermittently about trying it on but in the business of life, it just got put off.... Until my friend posted something in her blog about having just accomplished this same monumental task. She tried on her dress again and even posted pics on her blog. She looked beautiful! She inspired me.

After reading her entry, I was almost giddy. At that moment, all my kids were running around the house, it was close to supper time. It was just not good timing, but "Seize the Day", right? So off come my clothes (sorry for the visual) and out comes the poofy dress.

I go to unzip it, but the zipper is a bit stuck at the bottom, yet undeterred, I step into it and begin trying to get it over my hips. Roadblock! I quickly find that these hips aren't what they used to be and that the dress wouldn't be slipping over them. The next option is to try taking it over my head. This is the part where you should wish that you had been a fly on the wall.

I begin to try and pull the thing over my shoulders. It was soooo close. I just knew that if I wiggled and tugged a little more, I'd get it. So, wiggle and tug I did. And then I was stuck. It was hung up just below my arm pits and wasn't going anywhere. Couldn't get the dang thing on, couldn't get the dang thing off. Picture it! My arms are stretched over my head and the dress is stuck on my bust. By this time my 6 and 4 year old are in the room sitting on my bed asking tons of questions. "What's that you're putting on Mommy?" "Why are you wearing it like that Mommy?" "Why are you laughing Mommy?" And all the while I'm dumbfounded that I am literally 'stuck' in a mass of tulle. I then call my oldest in to try and rescue me by monkeying with the zipper. He tried his hardest but couldn't do it. With no other choice, I just have him yank the dress hard, till I'm free. Of course, it ripped, but at that point, I seriously didn't care. Despite the rip, I was able still to zip it up and get it on. I headed straight for the mirror. But guess what. SO NOT WORTH IT!!! While it fit, I was utterly disappointed. It wasn't nearly as pretty as I remembered , and though I thought I chose a classic style, it was really outdated, not to mention the stain that was on the boddess. It was really, pretty ugly!

Ha! I laughed my way through the whole event and laugh now while re-telling it. I've thought about selling my dress but with a stain and a rip, who would buy it? I've thought about throwing it away, but that just seems wrong. I'll probably take it to the Goodwill or something. Don't tell my mom though. She'd kill me.

The moral to this story: If you're thinking about trying on your wedding dress to make yourself feel good for being slim again, DON'T DO IT! Instead, keep it in the bag, and preserve the memories you have of yourself in it on your wedding day! If you want to feel like a princess again, go to the spa and get a facial!!!